I Don't Want to Change You
by fictionalheart
Summary: Merlin wakes to find Morgana gone. The direct aftermath to "For All the Nights You Can't Sleep" from Merlin's perspective. Merlin/Morgana. Modern AU. (Third in the "For All the Nights" series.)


**Disclaimer:** Neither _Merlin_ nor its characters belong to me. **  
A/N** : to_the_library has been bugging me to write a few pieces in the "For All the Nights" verse from Merlin's POV, so here we go with the direct aftermath to chapters 11-12 of "For All the Nights You Can't Sleep."

* * *

There aren't many things about that day to make him happy, but the few that are shoot through the pain and fill Merlin with warmth as he reaches out to pull Morgana closer to him. He wishes there was something he could do to take her suffering away and make everything right between her and Arthur and her past, to shield her from Uther and take her away from the public eye. He wants nothing more than to see her happy and do what he can to give her the life she'd quietly confessed to wanting.

She'd spoken of quiet nights and mornings, of weddings, and babies, and there being nothing in the world but the two of them.

She'd spoken in quiet whispers as if she were confessing a sin and not putting his every desire into words.

He wants everything that she wants, and he can't help but smile into his pillow at the thought that she wants them too. He knows he shouldn't be happy when she's suffering beside him, but knowing the future that's in store for them beyond all of the present pain gives him strength. He tightens his grip around her middle and drifts off to sleep, thankful that she's letting him be there for her.

* * *

He knows something is wrong when he wakes to Aithusa's prolonged mewls several hours later. Bright sunlight is streaming in through the cracks in the blinds, and he squints as he rolls over.

Aithusa is sitting on Morgana's side of the bed, staring at her pillow.

Frowning, he reaches out and comes into contact with cold covers and sheets. Morgana had been long asleep when he'd drifted off the night before, and he'd hoped she would sleep through the night.

He runs his hand through his hair and sits up, checking his watch. It's only seven in the morning, and he sighs when he sees that Morgana is neither at her desk or in the window seat.

He gets up and, pulling the curtains aside, peers out onto the front drive and the beach. She's nowhere to be seen, but her car is gone, no longer where he'd left it the night before. Only then does he turn and notice the ring on the beside table, glinting in the morning sunlight.

Swallowing thickly, he picks it up along with the note beneath it and feels his world crashing down around him.

 _I love you with every fibre of my being, and I always, always will,_

 _but I can't ask you to go down with me._

 _I'm sorry. Forget me._

His pulse deafeningly beats in his ears as he reads, and he feels slightly queasy.

She hasn't woken and wandered off to leave him to sleep. She's left.

He barely has time to react, to feel anything more than utter dismay when an angry knock sounds at the door, and Arthur bursts in.

"Where's Morgana?"

"She's gone."

"Well, when will she be back?"

Merlin shakes his head just as Gwen comes to stand behind Arthur, looking as concerned as Arthur does angry.

He swallows thickly, ignoring the stinging behind his eyes. "She's _left_. She isn't coming back."

Gwen's eyes widen, and Arthur gives one short nod and says, "That might be for the best."

"Arthur!" Gwen interjects.

"Well, he should see this." Arthur steps forward and hands his iPad to Merlin.

 _Murder at Albion: Esteemed Doctor Helps Cover-Up Another Pendragon Death_

"What is this?" Merlin frowns.

"It's exactly what it looks like. She sold us out. All of us. Mum, Dad, _Gaius_."

"She said she wasn't going to," Merlin objects, shaking his head.

"She said a lot of things."

"That isn't fair, Arthur. She's done everything in her power to help you," Merlin insists. "There has to be more to the story."

"There's even mention of your dad."

At that, Merlin's head begins to spin. "What do you mean?"

"Just read it," Arthur says and turns back towards the door. "We'll be downstairs when you're done."

* * *

Merlin doesn't understand. He doesn't understand what happened between last night and this morning, what happened to drive her from bed and into the papers hours later. He doesn't understand, but he knows it has something to do with Morgause, something far bigger than what Arthur can imagine.

 _I can't ask you to go down with me rings in his ears_ , and he knows she's acted for some greater good she's refused to share with him.

He shakes his head, imagining her alone in London, without him or Arthur or Gwen or even Aithusa, and he's terrified.

He begins to pack his things, folding shirts and trousers with increasing haste, and he ushers Aithusa into his carrier. He has no time to lose, no time for Morgana to do the same in London and disappear. He has no doubt that she'll leave the penthouse and he'll struggle to find her if he takes any more time.


End file.
